Mosquitoes

If you have ever been to places like around the U.S. like Florida or Texas you know about big ass mosquitoes.  Actually in Hawaii, the mosquito is the state bird, or maybe its the flying cockroach, I forget.


Asian mosquitoes are kind of like Asian people, they are not that big and there are about a gazillion of them around. The mosquitoes in my house are like hungry ninjas, I never really see them but they stealth in at night when I least expect it and hit me up for a meal. I often wake up feeling about a quart low.  It seems that what mosquitoes really like are white people. As you probably know, mosquitoes may carry diseases such as Dengue, West Nile Virus, Malaria, Halitosis, Leprosy, and Genital Warts.


Mosquitoes love Budweiser, especially from a can. To help prevent mosquito bites, always drink beer from a bottle and never, ever, ever drink Budweiser. Some other suggestions that I have collected are:
Eat lots of garlic
Take vitamin B
Use Deet spray, or something made of all natural plants and faerie dust if your a hippie
Sleep under a mosquito net
Burn citronella candles or incense
Remove any standing water around your surroundings

Also, I have recently seen this product that looks like an electrified tennis racket that you can swing at insects to kill them and work on your backhand at the same time. This product is not a toy. I know this because it says on the wrapping "this product is not a toy".  With that being said, I would still like to recommend buying half a dozen of these things before your next house party. They work wonders on anyone who shows up with canned beer.