Driving in Bangkok - Part Two

While driving in Thai I have noticed something in particular. Soi dogs (street dogs) are stupid. These are homeless dogs running around everywhere with empty little heads, just lucky to be inhaling oxygen. In the states I have seen dogs that use the sidewalks and stop and wait to cross the street with groups of people at the crosswalks. Its like they know that being hit by a car would be a bad thing. In Hawaii I have seen dogs that round up sheep, horses, cows and dogs that hunt wild boar. All these dogs seem to understand that flying hooves, teeth, and tusks might be a bad thing. Soi dogs in Thai lay in the middle of the road impervious to car horns or tires from vehicles passing just inches from where they lie. It is not unusual to see a soi dog trot into the street during an rare break in traffic and lie down to quickly go to sleep. Unlike most animals these dogs haven't much sense of self preservation. A soi dog in the middle of the road will spot a speeding truck heading straight for it and waste no time in deciding that its nap time. Generally these dogs survive on the discarded food of the locals. Thai people seem to throw away these dogs like old toys. Sometime I will have to put together a piece on the soi dogs. For now just know this, if you are driving and you see a dog (or four) you can count on it to step out in front your moving vehicle with a blank look in its eyes and a little doggy smile on its face.

Its not just the dogs on the street, theres lots of animals in the road. Even though I live in the heart of Bangkok, I see this sight at least once a week:

Its really a bad day when you are driving motorcycle and the car in front of you hits a big cow shit in the road, spraying it into the air directly in your path. Even now I sit contemplating what type of James Bond contraptions I can rig my motorcycle with to have my revenge on the drivers that are hell bent to ruin me. On a daily basis I have also nearly hit cats, low flying pigeons and chickens. Once while riding shotgun, I saw this big monitor lizard walk into the street ahead of us and stop for a moment before it trotted back into the sewage swamp that it had come from.

Oh, and then occasionally there is this little street hazard:

And that's just in the city, head out to the country and who knows what will be around the next bend. On a recent trip to the Hua Hin area, there were monkeys on the road and at the park areas, begging for food. You just never know what wildlife you will find on the roads here.  While I would run over a snake in a heartbeat, I just couldn't imagine hitting a monkey while on my motorcycle. Oh ya motorcycles...

I may have mentioned before that the motorcycle or "Motor-Cy" is really the only way to travel. You can zip in between the cars and around the front and backs of them while they are stuck in the gridlock. You can get to your destination easily twice as fast as you would in a car just by winding around the maze of backed up traffic, but remember, one wrong move and you will be a stain on the road and no one will stop to help or try to save your life because once they can see the accident, they will have hope that there may be a little break in traffic just beyond and they will be able to drive again.

I used to have a real hang up with driving my motorcycle on the sidewalks. We just don't do that where I am from. Now I do it daily. Traffic is messed up and I only need to go a block or two the wrong direction on a one way street, its sidewalk surfin time!  I hit the sidewalks sometimes and start blowing through the gears and it does get really irritating that some people will wear headphones and the won't hear me honking or revving. I have asked my favorite ex-pat forum online "what is the appropriate speed for driving on a busy sidewalk" and it has been suggested that its actually beneficial to keep it in a lower gear so that I can pop wheelies. Popping wheelies  on the sidewalks impresses the women and everyone else will stop pretending not to hear you and get the hell out of your way. I have tried it, and its really good advice. If the sidewalks are too congested (like that matters) Its ok to drive in the wrong lane as long as you are feeling lucky.

Stay tuned for part three of driving in Bangkok, when we determine how many people should be on one motorcycle at the same time, parking etiquette, tuk-tuk mafia, drunk driving and of course smashing and crashing.

Here is the link for Part 3

Driving in Bangkok Part 3